God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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