Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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