Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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