I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
