The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
