I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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