she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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