she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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