I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
