I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
