If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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