Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't put those talents on a resume
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
