I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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