i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
