I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
