how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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