We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize