Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
