I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
