Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize