He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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