Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
