I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
