Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
