Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
