I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
