he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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