So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize