sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
