She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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