is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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