You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
