My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
