Tell her she can't have a vagina
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
