I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
