Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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