I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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