I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize