I'm gonna have a badass scar
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
