apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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