When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
