Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
