She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
