We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
