She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
