very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
