What did we do last night that was yellow?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
