Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
