It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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