Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
