Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
