look no pants
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Randomize
