This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
