so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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