please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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