He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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