im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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