im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
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