My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize