u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
