Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
