you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize