8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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