Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
